To New Perspectives!

Look around yourself.

You’ll find people looking for happiness,

as if it is something lost.

Apparently, being happy is hard.

That’s why so many are trying and failing, isn’t it?

But, does not it sound stupid?

Isn’t it simply turning a light bulb in your mind?

Fill room with light, fill brain with light? Same thing?

How could one make such a thing one’s life purpose?

I have always known it to be wrong.

But people denied me again and again.

They said we chase happiness. Come with us.

I said no. I’m fine.

I whispered to myself “I’m happy” and they went away.

I went away too but in the opposite direction.

There lies more things beyond

waiting to be known..

 

 

Here’s a TED talk to go with. Go nuts!

 

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Efficiency VS Beauty

I recently came across a question on a popular website. Somebody had asked how to be efficient while reading a book i.e. how to completely understand the story while not missing on any detail. And the answer was that one should not worry about reading the book efficiently but one should get completely lost in the beauty of the story so as to get the maximum feel out of it. The story of the book should become a part of your life, the night when you read it while it is raining and you are sipping coffee while walking with the character in the dark alleys, while the emotions of the book come pouring out into your hands and crawl towards your heart and engulf you creating a wonderful experience worth remembering.

The answer was, in fact, obvious to me. I know how to read books. But still, the answer stuck to me for days. I read the answer around two weeks ago probably. And I am thinking how this concept applies to everything, including my dreams and my way of living life.

I have always dreamt of travelling the whole world efficiently so that I don’t miss any place in the world. I have to cover every place, every page ever written in the history. But it somehow never felt right. It seemed too perfect a way to live. It lacks story, a beauty, a flow of events, a dance. I don’t want to cover the world. That just seems so mechanical, as if some task to be completed. I want to marry in the streets of the Vatican City, I want to make love under a million stars of Norwegian sky, I want to get lost with the hippies of North America, I want to camp in the Alaskan cold.

I am a computer programmer. We, the people in India, have always strived to be too efficient, too competitive. Competing for the top school, then top college to study, then for a top job and it goes on and on… But now, I feel, I need to stop and think. Does it make a beautiful story? I think I am okay with playing with kids of a local school, making a beautiful girlfriend in a college where people don’t just study but make friends for life, opting a job where I have enough free time to pursue my dreams rather than simply focus on earning money.

And more importantly, I want to leave a part of my life to the flow, to the uncertainty, to be caught in the wind, to sail away with the perennial waves of time..

so that there is space for new dreams to seep in.

Honesty : Does it Really Work?

I love being confrontational with people. I love shocking them with what I do and who I am? I spill my truths and secrets like I don’t care about them. And why should I? Life is already so serious, why burden myself with more stuff? However..

People judge me constantly. I have not found a single person who, after me being honest with him/her, said – “Oh, I never realised that. Well, as much as I hate you for doing that, thank you for being so honest with me. Really appreciate that.” Nope, that stuff is probably only for the movies. In reality, people suck. Those movie moments must be extremely rare and thus, thinking that those can become a part of your life should be done with an extra thinking of how and where and when and with whom those moments can become a reality, which is so difficult because that might be preceded by hundreds of people turning against you.

Whenever I have dared of being honest with people about my feelings for them, or simply about my mistakes in the past, about how stupid I have reacted in situations, people have also told me that yes, I am a horrible person and then, they simply would limit their future conversations with me. When anything like this happens, I both rejoice and get sad. Sad because this moment turned out be just like all the other ones when I went honest and people turned out to be so predictable and happy because my calculations have been so right and I can turn back to my dead philosopher friends than make a mistake of thinking that that person could be my true friend.

However, all these incidents have tired me so much of being honest in my conversations that I have simply started pretending and lying when I interact with people. That way it becomes so much easier and I come out so much more likeable. Trust me, it has all been experimented with and thus, is totally true. People do not like glum glums around them who talk about philosophy and “shit” like that. They want comedians around, who make up jokes and stuff so that the time they spend is “funny”.

Even though I am okay with being “comedic” around people because it has even started working as a therapy for my depressed self and even though I am okay with being friends with only the dead philosophical people, I am waiting for the day when I can be honest with someone and not affect my friendship with him/her.

Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

-William Henry Davies

 

Home : Always Calling..

For most of us, our first eighteen years or so are spent in the comfort of home. So safe, so warm, so much love and care…

I spent my first twenty one years at home, for my college was close and I did not have to stay in the hostel. I was so much attached to home and the people who lived there that when I moved out to a new city for my new job, I found this strange voice in my ear that was always there. My home was calling me.. all the time.

In the last few years, I have very well understood how important it is to leave the comforts of your home and travel the world on your own feet, experience it all with your own eyes, basically to stop being a goddamn kid. But when I step out, a hundred problems come rushing, slapping my face in a long queue. And it just becomes so hard to survive. And the voice of home is still ringing in my ears… so easy to just go back and snuggle in the warm blanket and read a book while mom prepares coffee.

This is so wrong!! I know this is so wrong. And yet, such thoughts keep knocking somewhere in the back of my mind. Such a fool I am. This is one of those things which I can’t help, like falling for beautiful people when I know not-so-conventionally-beautiful people deserve equally falling in love with. We are all fools and do things which we know are so wrong and yet, we do them.

But, enough. I have done it once but I won’t do it again. I have to stop underestimating the knowledge I gain from being alone out in the world. The comfort of home is addicting but it is poisonous. It stunts my growth. It slows my brain. I have to remember that.

Shut up, home. I’m not coming. I have to travel the world.