A Single Man

A few times in my life I’ve had moments of absolute clarity. When for a few brief seconds, the silence drowns out the noise and I can feel rather than think. And things seem so sharp and the world seems so fresh as though it had all just come into existence. I can never make these moments last. I cling to them but like everything they fade. I’ve lived my life on these moments. They pull me back to the present, and I realise that everything is exactly the way it was meant to be.

A Single Man is a movie about a college literature professor who lost his love around a year ago. The movie starts with the beginning of the last day of the professor and progressing through each phase of the day, summarises his whole life.

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Professor George, played by Colin Firth, hopes to get done with the day like every day but this time a bit differently, this time never to wake up again. He packs a revolver in his bag and suits up. His day is slow for he never rushes through moments. His neighbourhood, college and strangers make a big part of his life, fill colour in the seemingly perpetual darkness. Girls swoon over him, ladies see him a fine gentlemen, people see success in him.

How society overlooks the reality! Professor George though is a gentleman because he takes his responsibilities seriously and behaves amicably even when he wakes up with the feeling of just getting done with the day. George does not want the same conventional future for his students. “Look around you, Grant. Most of these students aspire nothing more than a corporate job and a desire to raise coke-drinking tv-watching children who as soon as they can speak start chanting tv jingles and smashing things with hammers.

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I wonder how differently beautiful his day would have been in the old days, days when his lover used to be by his side. I say different because his days are still beautiful, because awful things have their own kind of beauty. A man never ceases to learn, more so on his last day. The wheel of time goes on, history repeats itself and the professor finds a young boy, beautiful and cheerful and honest just like Jim (his dead boyfriend), in the same bar.

Julianne Moore plays Charlotte, a drunkard loner left by her husband after long years of marriage, aching for George’s love. Her and George’s relationship begins with a blue shiny bottle of gin and ends with it. They drink and talk and dance. She looks at her with hope and his mind is still flooded with images of old Jim. She refuses to leave for Paris because George is here. She refuses to live because George refuses to live with her. Stuck in time and memories, they both try to survive.

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George is not the kind of man who kills himself. The night unfolds its magic and he finds hope in the same revolver, which Kenny has hid from him and kept by his side while he sleeps. After he learns George’s reason for living life in a cocoon, for being so lost all the time in a vast ocean, for his forehead injury, Kenny invites him to open up, by opening himself up before him. They go back to sleep but George succumbs to the long impending fateful heart attack. Just before he takes his last breath, he is kissed by the light of Jim and he accepts his life and death happily.

Because it happened the way it was meant to be.

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Oh my god! I am gonna watch Bob’s Burgers!!

That has been my reaction every fucking day while running from office to home. Bring me my dinner mom while I load up my episode. Jesus! This is such an amazing show. A gem. A laugh riot. This is as hilarious as it could ever get. I do not think I have been so satisfied with a show ever nor I think I ever will be. And to my and every fan’s delight, the show is hitting it’s seventh season just in a month. HURRAYY!!

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Look at the image above. What do you see? Well, let me introduce you to this beautiful really-messed-up-family-but-in-a-good-way – The Belchers. The Belchers own a burger restaurant. Bob (the owner) is the chef while Lynda (his wife) and their children, Tina (blue), Gene (burger) and Louise (green), handle sundry tasks of a typical restaurant. Together they make a overly crazy family that gets a lot in trouble for reasons you just cannot imagine even in your wildest dreams. You have got to watch the show (don’t sweat yourself. Start with the pilot and take it easy till you can’t.). I am already in fits of laughter replaying the episodes in my head. Go run and watch the show while you are still alive. No wait, don’t run. Just walk. You might get hit by a car. Or a bike. Or you might fall in a gutter. But I don’t care. No, wait. I do. I would like this show to be more popular. Not that it’s not popular already. But still.

“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
― Frank Herbert, Dune

Source: Taken from the new homepage of Kickass Torrents after the original Kickass Torrents website was taken down.

Because stars

The more I grow, the more I become capable to ask the right questions. I ask my parents, my grandparents, my teachers and the others whom I love and think can yield me answers. But mostly all I get from them is a shrug, a rejection, a scold not to look up towards the stars and towards the horizons. They tell me to toil hard or I will die of starvation and dishonour.

I am not afraid now like, once they were not. But I might be one day like they are today. And that day, my lips will shut and the child inside me will die. The feared lot around me wants to infect me with their disease. Of course, they care about me but they are also selfish to the core of their hearts. They cannot lose me to the unknown for the fear I might never return.

My definition of home needs updation, to broaden boundaries so as to contain my planet and my universe. The world will never cease to advance, but I might. I might if I surrender to the fears of my loved ones, the fears I don’t even own. I try to search for the meaning of life in books, in relationships, in nature, in my breath, something to cling to so I can live happily. But if I do not step out, I will never know the infinite possibilities that lay unexplored before me.

Man has a very bad habit of trying to sustain satisfaction in the one thing he finds satisfaction the very first time. Because he achieved that thing in the first place after a long time of waiting and thus, he thinks he cannot afford to lose it and go back to that phase of waiting again. But what he does not understand is that it is always a step forward, not backward. He lives in fear all his life and passes the same to the next generation.

And that next generation is me. Do I want to be the same? What am I doing to myself killing my dreams? A hundred chains lie clutching my limbs and I know it. “Life feels heavy, doesn’t it?” I want to escape so badly and fly away. But I cannot. I just cannot because even if I let the thought of escaping overpower my mind, a hundred voices start whispering in my ears instantly. And those whispers hurt because they possess the power to bring me back into the darkness they themselves come from.

It is very, very difficult not to pay attention to those whispers and to break those chains, I know. But the worst is when I will start feeling comfort in that discomfort. My mind will adapt to the harsh reality and learn to survive and so, I will forget my past. I will forget the questions I used to ask, forget the shrugs I used to get in response, forget the stars and horizons. Only what will remain is the safety of those fears. And so, I will waste my whole life until when at my deathbed every little story I lived will flash before my eyes and I will slip into a fit of regret. I will cling to a hope of a better afterlife, a very kind of hope I myself killed while I lived and which I still can evade deserving in my deathbed.

I do not have to do this!

I never signed up for it!

I have got to explore!

My home is not what I think. My home is everything I can reach out to.

Escapism is a trustworthy companion,
a powerful source of joy,
an eternal harbinger of freedom,
a constant ray of hope.

But it soon becomes a habit,
a need, 
a compulsion,
an addiction - of a feeling that comes with escaping mediocrity, an unpleasant one. 

You become a slave of freedom. 
You too, who has never seen slavery of any kind.
You, who always took things for-granted, 
grow into a prisoner of your own insensitivity.

And thus, escapism, however sweet it might be each time, 
turns you into a monster slowly and steadily, 
devouring a part of you every time you devour a part of it.

Thus, all you are left with is a skeleton gasping for more breath,
but all more you do to yourself is suffocate.

 

God: Hello. So, what would you like to be?

Me: I would like to be a cat. Please and thank you.

God: Oh! But why not a human or maybe a horse or I don’t know a goldfish?

Me: Yeah but I don’t wanna go through all the bullshit or be ridden for long distances till I starve or spend my whole life in a little water tank. I just wanna purr all day. ^_^

God: Hmm.. Well, I am extremely sorry I can make you anything but a cat.

Me: What?? But why??

God: Personal reasons.

Me: Whaaaaaaat!!!! Are you kidding me??? I have been practising as per the brochure rules, as my favourite animal, as a fucking CAT. I like purring all day, avoiding other cats, climbing walls, vanishing into narrow dark lanes….. I have always dreamed of being a cat. What crap! You have to understand.

God: I am really sorry but I just cannot. Can’t you want to be something else? How about a lion, a tiger, a leopard, you know, you’ll still be a cat.

Me: No! I wanna be the normal one, the white furry little one. I don’t wanna be something else. I just cannot be something else.

God: Hmm.. Well..

Me: What well… what is wrong with you? Why did you even give me a choice in the first place? I tried living as other things.. a fox is too stupid, always pretending to be so sly but they simply just don’t know how to talk .. a pigeon but they literally are a buttload of crap.. a whale but nooooooo way … a deer but when i tasted one being a tiger, they are so delicious and so tiger was better but isn’t it tiring to be hunting all the time.. finally nothing was right. Only cat. Being a cat, I was king of the planet yet i never had to rule. I slept and dreamed and was petted all day.

God: Yeah, but…..

Me: but what? I cannot take no for an answer. I will then live a celibate all my life here than be anything else on earth. Isn’t this your whole point? Populate that fucking planet? But you know what? I won’t. I just won’t. I won’t be there and fucking reproduce. I am better off here bodiless than being trapped in something disgusting. You have lost yourself. You are not god anymore. Just a fucking receptionist, an elevator to the most wretched planet you created.

God: Alright, enough.

Me: No, you will listen. You have no idea what I have been going through. What you put souls like us go through. This is all just a funny game to you. A funny stupid little game. Your angels have started whispering. Everybody has lost faith. You are old and a disgrace to yourself. Living by that stupid system of yours. I deny being sent to earth if not as a cat. I deny being your slave. I deny ….

God: You leave me no choice… human.. !

Me: You leave no choice to yourself. You are an asshole. Wait, what?

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!