Honesty : Does it Really Work?

I love being confrontational with people. I love shocking them with what I do and who I am? I spill my truths and secrets like I don’t care about them. And why should I? Life is already so serious, why burden myself with more stuff? However..

People judge me constantly. I have not found a single person who, after me being honest with him/her, said – “Oh, I never realised that. Well, as much as I hate you for doing that, thank you for being so honest with me. Really appreciate that.” Nope, that stuff is probably only for the movies. In reality, people suck. Those movie moments must be extremely rare and thus, thinking that those can become a part of your life should be done with an extra thinking of how and where and when and with whom those moments can become a reality, which is so difficult because that might be preceded by hundreds of people turning against you.

Whenever I have dared of being honest with people about my feelings for them, or simply about my mistakes in the past, about how stupid I have reacted in situations, people have also told me that yes, I am a horrible person and then, they simply would limit their future conversations with me. When anything like this happens, I both rejoice and get sad. Sad because this moment turned out be just like all the other ones when I went honest and people turned out to be so predictable and happy because my calculations have been so right and I can turn back to my dead philosopher friends than make a mistake of thinking that that person could be my true friend.

However, all these incidents have tired me so much of being honest in my conversations that I have simply started pretending and lying when I interact with people. That way it becomes so much easier and I come out so much more likeable. Trust me, it has all been experimented with and thus, is totally true. People do not like glum glums around them who talk about philosophy and “shit” like that. They want comedians around, who make up jokes and stuff so that the time they spend is “funny”.

Even though I am okay with being “comedic” around people because it has even started working as a therapy for my depressed self and even though I am okay with being friends with only the dead philosophical people, I am waiting for the day when I can be honest with someone and not affect my friendship with him/her.

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Leisure

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?

No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

-William Henry Davies

 

Home : Always Calling..

For most of us, our first eighteen years or so are spent in the comfort of home. So safe, so warm, so much love and care…

I spent my first twenty one years at home, for my college was close and I did not have to stay in the hostel. I was so much attached to home and the people who lived there that when I moved out to a new city for my new job, I found this strange voice in my ear that was always there. My home was calling me.. all the time.

In the last few years, I have very well understood how important it is to leave the comforts of your home and travel the world on your own feet, experience it all with your own eyes, basically to stop being a goddamn kid. But when I step out, a hundred problems come rushing, slapping my face in a long queue. And it just becomes so hard to survive. And the voice of home is still ringing in my ears… so easy to just go back and snuggle in the warm blanket and read a book while mom prepares coffee.

This is so wrong!! I know this is so wrong. And yet, such thoughts keep knocking somewhere in the back of my mind. Such a fool I am. This is one of those things which I can’t help, like falling for beautiful people when I know not-so-conventionally-beautiful people deserve equally falling in love with. We are all fools and do things which we know are so wrong and yet, we do them.

But, enough. I have done it once but I won’t do it again. I have to stop underestimating the knowledge I gain from being alone out in the world. The comfort of home is addicting but it is poisonous. It stunts my growth. It slows my brain. I have to remember that.

Shut up, home. I’m not coming. I have to travel the world.

The Randomness of Everything

This post is about the reasons why one should not take life seriously.

I could say it’s because everything seems so meaningless when you think from the perspective of the infinite universe. But no, I won’t use that logic because ultimately, the world that we really interact with is the one we understand and thus, anything that happens here affects us, directly or indirectly.

But, what I will say is that look around you and question yourself how that thing came to be. The answer is that there is no answer. Everything is very random. Every incident in your life is a result of a roll of dice. I am born in India where I have to constantly fight against the extreme backward minds of the society, against millions of students to get the privilege of studying in a good enough institution, against my own parents whose ninety percent of the day-to-day life does not make any sense to me while, on the other hand, there are some Scandinavian countries where there is extreme value to humanity as proven by a successful free basic income scheme, health care schemes and a near perfect happiness rate. I didn’t ask to be born in my country. So, why should I take my life so seriously?

Actually, even though that might be a correct perspective, it’s a very shitty one because it might make you see me as someone who does not value life just because one is facing a bunch of tough challenges. But, in fact, that’s not how I feel at all, my very point being, there is no use fretting over stuff like that. I cannot go on thinking that my life is so bad just because of the random circumstances. I have to just accept it all and move the fuck on. There are a million things in my head and I really could use taking some load off.

Why care about earning so much when I need only one-tenth of it to have a well enough life? Why argue with people when I know all that’s gonna happen is that they are gonna hate me in the end even though I know I was absolutely right? Why build big dreams when I am just fine with the happy little moments of life? Why build so many human relationships when dogs are simply way better? Who do more of anything? Why complicate my life? Why fret over break-ups?

Build a story of your life but make it funny. Look at old people. They are the funniest because they are wise and have understood that lives are wasted on the miserable.

It Follows

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This is one of those movies that come with such weird and funny plots, the kind that makes you want to watch it right now because you have to know what the heck it is. Like remember that movie about the vagina with teeth? I do not want to reveal the plot of this movie for you because it itself comes as a nice surprise in the first few minutes and, like I said, it’s super funny.

But it’s not that such comic plots turn me off. No. And on the top of that, the cinematography and the music in this movie worked too well for me. I found myself tightly gripped and the hours flew by like anything the moment I sat down to watch it (it was exactly midnight. Oh, I love it when I do that to myself).

This movie has been categorised as a horror, but it really just lingers on the borderline because except for a few jump scares (which were really nice by the way) and a very few awesome scary scenes, the movie is entirely something else.

I love the movies that transport me back to the 80’s. And this one worked like a charm. Those clothes, the beaches, the photographs, the houses, the streets and trees, the wind of that time, the cigarettes – ahh, if only I had a time machine. The protagonist did an excellent job, the screenplay is good, the other actors were nice enough and the storyline was fine as well. The movie got its funny bits and there are some really quirky elements that I cannot stop thinking about. This movie is something I’d really recommend to someone who loved the Stranger Things TV show.

The things that put me off a teensy bit include the unresolved plot points. There are quite a many pieces of the puzzle that are missing that give me an uneasy feeling; is it just me who is missing them or they really are the loopholes of the movie? I know there are many secrets one needs to look out for in the scenes, read between the lines, but still I am sure there are some obvious things that are lacking.

However, the good things is, the movie is more than it meets the eye. It is hard to get catch the soul of it the first time but the movie revolves a lot around that feeling of being lost in the teenage years. The recklessness of teenagers, the decisions that they make, the way they play with their lives – it’s not very apparent in the movie and probably, it has not been projected very strongly as well, but it is there.

It’s John Green again. I love his words.

“How you feel at your worst is not how you’re always gonna feel. I mean, sure, the world is gonna end and Venice is gonna sink into the sea, but not yet. Sitting in the piazza drinking unconscionably expensive espresso, I was reminded the world is what it is, that the world is also what you bring to it, and who you share it with.”