I love being confrontational with people. I love shocking them with what I do and who I am? I spill my truths and secrets like I don’t care about them. And why should I? Life is already so serious, why burden myself with more stuff? However..
People judge me constantly. I have not found a single person who, after me being honest with him/her, said – “Oh, I never realised that. Well, as much as I hate you for doing that, thank you for being so honest with me. Really appreciate that.” Nope, that stuff is probably only for the movies. In reality, people suck. Those movie moments must be extremely rare and thus, thinking that those can become a part of your life should be done with an extra thinking of how and where and when and with whom those moments can become a reality, which is so difficult because that might be preceded by hundreds of people turning against you.
Whenever I have dared of being honest with people about my feelings for them, or simply about my mistakes in the past, about how stupid I have reacted in situations, people have also told me that yes, I am a horrible person and then, they simply would limit their future conversations with me. When anything like this happens, I both rejoice and get sad. Sad because this moment turned out be just like all the other ones when I went honest and people turned out to be so predictable and happy because my calculations have been so right and I can turn back to my dead philosopher friends than make a mistake of thinking that that person could be my true friend.
However, all these incidents have tired me so much of being honest in my conversations that I have simply started pretending and lying when I interact with people. That way it becomes so much easier and I come out so much more likeable. Trust me, it has all been experimented with and thus, is totally true. People do not like glum glums around them who talk about philosophy and “shit” like that. They want comedians around, who make up jokes and stuff so that the time they spend is “funny”.
Even though I am okay with being “comedic” around people because it has even started working as a therapy for my depressed self and even though I am okay with being friends with only the dead philosophical people, I am waiting for the day when I can be honest with someone and not affect my friendship with him/her.